The struggle – and bright side – of online dating for people of color

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Racism manifests itself in all walks of life, but in online environments, where conversations are unmoderated and identities are curated, abuse is rife. For Stephanie Yeboah, dating apps have been plagued by racism of a fetishising nature, with men she speaks to making perverse assumptions based on her black heritage. This can be a particularly damaging form of racism because it relies on problematic tropes surrounding blackness that deny autonomy, Adegoke and Uviebinene argue.

However, racism on dating apps is not simply a case of being judged by the way you look. Having an ethnic name can also provoke racist remarks, says Radhika Sanghani. Speaking to The Independent , comedian and podcast host James Barr reveals that he regularly comes across racist remarks on Grindr, which are often passed off as sexual preferences. In a bid to combat this, Grindr is releasing a new initiative in September called Kindr , which comes after model and activist Munroe Bergdof called on the company to address the hate speech circulating on the app.

Research supports this theory: in , dating website OkCupid ran a study that revealed black women received the fewest messages of all its users. Again, this is something that Kandola puts down to unconscious biases, which portray Asian men as slightly more feminine and black men as ultra-masculine. If we saw more women of ethnic minority backgrounds having more of a prevalence within the beauty and fashion industry, we would shift the connotations of what beautiful means.

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How colourism complicates the dating game

Listen, navigating the world of dating apps is no easy feat. Especially considering just how many of them exist and how long it may take to sift through all the profiles. Receiving messages that are totally inappropriate because of your skin color.

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A few weeks ago a girlfriend of mine, who happens to be a black woman, sent me a screenshot of an exchange she had with a man she came across on an online dating app. I’m accustomed to friends sharing their ‘WTF’ moments, and generally I love living vicariously through their dating experiences. My friend was in the early stages of a chat with a man she’d matched with and he straight away asked about her ethnicity — projecting his assumptions of her by focusing on her race.

I made a documentary about the role race plays in online dating, Date My Race , a year ago. So I empathised with the frustration my friend felt by having to explain her blackness to this complete stranger. Dating is a challenge for most people, but it’s even more challenging when you’re from a racial minority background. If you’re not being judged for what you look like, you’re being asked to explain your ‘difference’.

For example, the data collected by one of the many online dating websites in Australia, Oasis. They also found that the least contacted groups were black women and Asian men. And as if it wasn’t interesting enough, black African men were unlikely to contact black African women. So, if black men aren’t even looking at sisters in Australia based on these stats, the chances of dating within one’s race by preference take a significant hit.

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The Truth About Dating As a Black Man In The U.S.A. (Featuring Superman)